I’ve said it before, but I don’t remember where and it bears repeating, so I’ll say it again: It’s unfortunate (or symptomatic of something that’s bigger and very unfortunate) that when most people hear or use the word “love,” the first or only thing they think of is romantic love.
Love is a much more general concept—i.e., love for your fellow humans, love for all your fellow beings including animals, love for your community, love for your family and friends, etc. But this kind of love is apparently sorely lacking in modern times, since everybody jumps directly to romantic love upon thinking of the word “love,” and this kind of love is actually more pure, beautiful and important than romantic love.
It’s more important because love for a larger group of people than just your s/o facilitates help, cooperation and mutual uplift on a larger scale of people or fellow beings, potentially even on a societal or global level.
It’s more beautiful and pure because this kind of love is more selfless, as you’re doing it purely for the sake of love, out of regard for others’ wellbeing, while romantic love more often than not is fundamentally selfish, but people don’t realize this or don’t admit it to themselves. It’s more often than not transactional in nature. As Neale Donald Walsch said in one of his books, we often say “I love you very much” when we really mean “I trade you very much.”
Think about it: What kind of person do you fall for? Someone who has all the qualities you desire. Good looks perhaps, or at least you’d prefer it; wealth, security, social standing, and confidence if you’re a woman; etc. And traits that we lack but want to have, so that we say that they “complement us.” Basically, we want the other to make us happy. And maybe we love them to some degree in return, but only out of appreciation for what they do for us. As soon as the other ceases to give us what we want, we dump their ass.
This is exactly why the vast majority of supposedly “loving’ relationships end with both parties bitterly hating each other and never speaking to each other again: we place hidden demands on the other that revolve around making us happy or pleasing us given our specific predilections, emotional baggage, etc., and when they fail to live up to those standards because they’re merely human with their own faults, desires and intentions, the result is mutual accusations and resentment.
And the shocking thing about all this is that it’s just taken for granted in society as the way things work: that serial monogamy means serially dating, “loving,” dumping and despising and then moving on to the next target. This seems to signify a social sickness that’s even worse than the mere fact that people think first and only of romantic love when they hear and use the word “love,” and it of course adds to the grievousness of the fact, too.
So, please think about this the next time you darken the waters just a little bit more by automatically assuming that “love” refers to romantic relationships.
Related posts:
https://myriachromat.wordpress.com/2024/08/17/what-is-love/
https://myriachromat.wordpress.com/2023/01/28/why-altruism-really-does-exist/
https://myriachromat.wordpress.com/2018/06/21/cheating-fidelity-loyalty/
